Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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