There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
