I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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