bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
