maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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