Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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