so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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