May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
