I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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