just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize