chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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