I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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