did you get engaged???
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i need some magic done to my vagina
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
