DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
