Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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