you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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