So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
