the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
