so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
