You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
