Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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