At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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