I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
