If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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