My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
