Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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