you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
