On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
