matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
