sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
