i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
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