Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
