I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize