This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
