Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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