Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
