I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
