I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize