; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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