Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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