Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
