i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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