Are we in a gay sports bar?
Jerry, you need to find god
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
