K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
