I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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