i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize