I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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