Don't you send me to vm
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
