If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
