She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i think my cat just said my name.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
