i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
