They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
