do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
