She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
