I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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