Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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