it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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