I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
