Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
