You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
