I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
