this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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