I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ladies don't puke and tell
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
