The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
there's paper in my vomit.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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