Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
