just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
