break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
