Porn is love you can see.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize