Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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