Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
