Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
