Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
