i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
