In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
