handjob tips. give me some.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
