At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
