I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
wow bdsm is so cute
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
