i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
