Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
