I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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